Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Being Real

Did you see the ne name? Heart Made MESS? Yep cause to tell y'all the truth, most of the time I am a mess, wether its me or the house, I'm a mess. BBBUUUUTTTTT......

So this is Blogland and most of what you see is the "suped" up version. Am I guilty of this - ummm, PSA: bears shit in the woods in these parts. So that would be a yes

This blog is about to get REAL, R to the E to the A to the L type REAL. Down in those really 'yucky-don't-wanna-go-there' places and feelings. Yea. I know I don't wanna go either, but I also don't wanna portray that my life and home are perfect. They are far from it my friends.

But this particular post is about how it's ok to NOT be Supermom/wife/woman.

If I have learned one thing from our blurp with fostering is that it is ok to NOT be perfect and need help.

Yep, there I said it. I CAN'T do it all! Ok so not those words, but I have a real issue with asking for help or even taking the help that people freely offer. I don't know, I guess another issue I had/have.

Who knows? Who cares?

This past month I believe I've asked for more help than I have in all my years of being able to do things on my own. Wanna know what I learned? It's ok, it's freeing, it doesn't hurt and it makes those people offering happy.

I've had my folks come over and help me because I didn't know how to take care of two kids at once and use the bathroom (can anyone say overwhelmed?). I've declined and then reaccepted offers to take my cor to birthday parties (thank you Hannah) and reached out and asked for play dates at THEIR house (thank you Paula).

Before this I would have moved heaven and earth before asking for help. Why? I have no idea - I'm just a "pull yourself up by your boot straps and deal with it" gal.

No more. Nope. No way.

I WANT to be real - I WANT real interaction. I'm letting go my friends and it is so freeing.

Let go friends let go.

Much Luv,

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Grand Adventure #1 (or my first time not planning)

So if you read yesterday's post you will know that I'm tired of planning, tired of thinking for the next week, month, year or decade. So what's a girl or momma to do?

Allow the boy child to play tackle football. Yep, not worry about will it lead to an injury, will it mess up his body for the future, will he be able to finish in the heat. Yep, I did it and I waited till yesterday the start of football camp to sign him up.

A sweet friend from church sent me a text saying that she understood, supported, was proud and loved us and our decision. She also said to "just hold on for all the great adventures with Cor!!" and we are, we did and it was peaceful.

There is so much peace in just letting go.

My heart is healing.

Much Luv,

P.S. Here are some pix since I was instructed to "not cheer me on at football camp, it's embarrassing!" So I did the next best thing, take a ton of pictures, ha!



 Yes my friends, We are starting to heal.


Monday, July 29, 2013

Where do I start?

Hello friends.

The title of the post says it all, Where do I start? It's been so long since I posted I can't remember what has gone on and what hasn't.

There has been so much going on that it's crazy and to be honest I just don't know if I want to rehash it or just move on.

We have decided to close our home to fostering for good.

We're all ok, even better than ok. We've had so much support and love while making this decision it has been a life saver.

I was told we can either or blossom where we are. We decided to blossom, even a cactus blooms in the dessert.

We were in the dessert and I feel like we are starting to live normally again. I'm so tired of living with one foot in the past and one foot in the future. I'm so busy PLANNING I have forgotten how to live.

I'm relearning friends, and that is a marvelous feeling. I am living for the here and now. Planning is out the window.

No I'm not freaking out or having a midlife crisis, but I want to be able to remember other things than planning for the future, the what ifs, the maybes. I want to remember my experiences and relationships.

I will plan for the big things, but I will not spend my entire life planning for the maybes or what ifs anymore. I'm dealing with facts and happenings from now on.

Thank you to all the sweet friends and family that have helped make our decision easier.

Much Luv,