It's that time of month again, Amy's This Is Me linky party, and I'm really excited (even more so than normal) to link up this month. Ok, I'm really nervous too, I don't normally show my vulnerable side to most people. I'm just not comfortable with it, but it's a bit of relief to take off that "everything is perfect and I have no issues" mask.
Ok so now that we know Michelle has some serious issues (lol!) here's the picture:
It's technically looking towards the ground BUT it was looking down my camera, plus it just connected to me so emotionally I HAD to go with it. I know most people would say "ok this is a total normal let's post to facebook and show people what I'm doing" picture. But not to me. To let you in on how m brain works this is what I see, and what truthfully went through my head, BUT it was fleeting, came in and went out. And truthfully y'all Amy's linky parties have been so wonderful for me, so liberating and the feedback y'all give me well, it has boosted my confidence so much that I can tell myself, 'No Michelle THIS is enough, this moment, this place, these things, these are enough. You don't have to do/be/say anything to be better you *ARE* good enough just being. Right here, right now, right this way - YOU ARE ENOUGH! A very dear dear friend, you know those kind that you might not talk to for a couple months but hen you do u pick up right where you left off like you were talking to them yesterday, yea that kind, well she planted the "enough" seed and started watering a while ago, then Amy came along and this wonderful linky party and she gave me some fertilizer and food and then y'all are watering me with your feedback. Please do NOT misunderstand and think I don't have this support at home because I do and always have from my family, adolescence just wasn't nice y'all, it wasn't. It's just different when you hear it from people that aren't your momma, daddy, hubby or son. I hope and pray everyday that I raise my son and future children to always ALWAYS A-L-W-A-Y-S think of how the person you are talking to will receive the message you are saying. And to always stick up for people even if you don't know them. It's hard to go against the grain, but if you do and you get splinters we will ALWAYS be there to pick them out., be that person that helps pick splinters out. People just don't realize how deep scars really run, especially when you're young. Ok so now that I got totally off track, here's my first thoughts.
1) Um, no this will not work because
a) look - my belly's protruding into the picture
b) um ever seen an elephants foot - no? well just look at my heels it'll be a great reference point
c) yea i'm ssssooooo not linking a picture with the stuffing coming out of the cushion - damn squirrels
d) I can't see it now, but I'm sure there was a D then.
So all in all, it wasn't PERFECT.
The belly represented my umpteenth failure at weight loss - even a GASTRIC BYPASS surgery didn't do it.
The elephant hide heels well I don't know what it repped but it just doesn't fit with perfect.
The chewed up cushion, again it wasn't perfect.
What will people say? What will people think? Oh my look at how fat she is she's a failure. Why did she take a picture of her scaly feet? Why hasn't she gotten a pedicure? Oh my word look at that stuffing coming out - why hasn't she replaced it yet?
Remember I forewarned y'all about the way I think, LOL!
All this played like super fast forward in my mind, lasting about two minutes max. Wanna know what then immediately popped into my mind?
Yes, I am enough, my world is enough, my everything is enough!!
I looked at that picture again, and this is what I REthought (yes it is a word even if it isn't ;)
I AM going to use this picture because:
a) my belly - well it housed, fed and protected the most wonderful little being ever in my world that we never thought we'd be graced with.
b) my elephant heels - yes I still want a pedicure (who doesn't!?) but I haven't wanted to spend the money or time on it for a while because I've been spending that same money and same time doing amazing adventures and making the most marvelous memories with the most wonderful BIG being in my world that helped make that most wonderful LITTLE being in our world and that same little being.
c) the cushion - it's a freaking cushion!! and it helped a momma take care of her babies during the winter months, be it a squirrel, bird, whatever. it helped another thing survive. I can buy another cushion.
This picture also represented that I was starting to take time for things that I enjoyed again. I love to read but had pretty much stopped doing it except for blogs because it took too much time from CLEANING, (aka PERFECTING things). Umm, sorry but that is crazy, (yes I sometimes need a hammer to donk me upside the head). I was just so deep into and surrounded by the trees that I couldn't see the forest.
Ok I know that was deep LIKE really really REALLY deep, I don't normally do that but you know sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone.I hope you will continue to come back and I didn't scare you off! I thank God everyday that He has made our paths cross and that we are encouragement to one another.
Thank you for watering me!
And Amy thank you for fertilizing and feed me AND us!